A Special Dedication

Jamie and I have truly been blessed with the friendship of many throughout the years and especially with our "couple friends" as we refer to them.  When we first got married we had few couples we hung out with and through my work friends and I dragging our husbands out for double dates we've formed many lasting, wonderful friendships over the years.  As you know the "Tate's" have held a special place in our hearts among these friends (and to those other friends in our lives, you know we could never replace you!).  Our Tate dates have become a necessity and we feel honored that they enjoy our time together as much as we do.

Almost 2 years ago now they added sweet Elliana to their family and what a joy this little girl has been!!  We love our time with her...those infectious smiles and the crazy, cute things she says...simply put we just love her!  She has 2 amazing parents who have done a great job parenting and as part of their responsibility made the decision to dedicate her.  Baby dedication is something many Christian churches practice instead of infant Baptism.  It's a ceremony in which believing parents, and sometimes family and friends, make a commitment before the Lord to raise the child in a godly home and submit them to God's will and plan for their life.

This past Mother's Day, I received my first Mother's Day card and the tears poured when I opened it.  Our precious friends had asked if we would be godparents for their Sweet Girl.  What an honor to be trusted with this responsibility!  I carry that card with me in my day planner and it's such a beautiful reminder that again God has provided for us.  No, I don't mean that in a morbid sense...goodness, I sure don't ever want to lose our Tate's, they have become like family to us!  But God saw fit that although now may not be our time to be parents, He has loving provided children in our lives that we can love and hold close.  Children that have a special place in our hearts...that wrap their little arms around us and without knowing provide healing with their little snotty kisses.

The words written couldn't have been easy for our friends to write but what an inspiration that they have put their selves aside and thought ahead to plan for their daughter!  As I said they are amazing parents and have raised a beautiful little girl...inside and out.  So when we received the invitation to join them to dedicate Elliana and stand as their dedication sponsors, I was willing to sell my left kidney to be there!  Thankfully it didn't come to that, but we were grateful we could stand with them and support their family.

To Little Miss Pigtails,

We are so thankful that God blessed your mommy and daddy with your life!  You have a smile that could break the toughest heart and your infectious, sweet spirit brings us such joy.  We cannot wait to see the wonderful things God has in store for your life.  Thank you for the blessing and encouragement you've been to Uncle Jamie and I.  We pray that we may be a spiritual influence in your life and that as you grow we may be the same encouragement in your life as you've been in ours.  We love you very much!!

To our Precious Tate's,

Thank you for the gift of friendship and for welcoming us into your family with open arms!  We have been so encouraged by you both and appreciate the unending love and support you've shown us over the years.  We are thankful we serve a God who meets our needs and we are especially thankful for Him leading us to both of you.  Your dedication to Christ and selfless acts of love haven't gone unnoticed and we so appreciate the role models you are for us.  We love you both!!

Until the next Tate date...speaking of, Carla, we need to get out those planners, Christmas will be here before we know it!!

And we wait...

   This post is by far the toughest for me to write.  As I write the tears pool around the keyboard, my heart heavy with the reality of where we are.  I am going to pull from what little inner strength I have left this evening and once again try and bring God glory in the midst of struggle, but I won't lie and say that is easy.  But as we progress further into our infertility treatment I felt it was time to put it all out there and pray that through my words of honesty some prayer warriors will arise.  We have many who have selflessly continued to pray, encourage, and support and for that we are so grateful!  Again I pray that God may speak through me as I write and that others may find comfort and peace through it.

  As Jamie and I began house hunting this past spring we also decided that it was time to move forward with fertility treatments and so in June we finally went to the fertility clinic to get the ball rolling.  Anyone who knows anything about fertility treatments knows that nothing happens quickly so it was the end of the summer until we were actually at a point where we were ready to begin our first cycle.  We went into the first cycle with high hopes and excitement that we were FINALLY moving forward.  After a L-O-N-G month of waiting, testing, insemination, waiting, testing, and more waiting God said "no" that time.  It was a difficult process for us because literally 12 hours before we were supposed to take "the test" I got my period.  Every day without my period got us one step closer to a dream we have so desperately hoped for.  It was a tough pill to swallow and the thought of moving ahead with who knew how many more cycles made me age a few years.  But knowing that this is our only option propelled us forward once again and we started with round 2.  More clomid, more testing, more waiting and then we got news we weren't anticipating.  We were a day away from possible insemination again, I had a follicle ready to go and we were told that they found polyps in my uterus.

  Once again the wind was taken out of our sails.  Although they aren't like the polyps that are found in your intestines, we were told they could act like an IUD and prevent a pregnancy from taking as well as increase the chances for miscarriage.  Simply put, they needed to come out before we could proceed with further treatments.  So last week I had a D&C to remove the polyps.  All went well with the surgery beyond the fact that I DO NOT do well on the other side of things.  Being a patient versus being a nurse is NOT something I relish...although I know few do.  Sometimes knowing it all is NOT helpful.  Regardless, I survived and, thanks to my wonderful husband, received excellent care post-op.  Thankful to have that behind me and although not looking forward to waiting yet another month to begin again with our cycles, we were ready to move forward.

  Today I received a phone call from my fertility doctor.  The pathology report came back with atypical cells which can indicate cancer sometimes.  Although these atypical cells may have come from the polyps if they were fast-growing and rapidly changing, which would explain the atypical part, they couldn't definitively rule out cancer.  So the plan...the only option we have at this point...is to repeat the D&C in a month and get a better idea of the cells inside.  This means once again putting our fertility treatments on hold until after the New Year.

  Needless to say Jamie and I are both at a low point.  The first time we received the news of the polyps was difficult knowing that we had finally, after 7 long years, gotten to a point where we could move forward.  The news today was devastating.  We feel as though we just keep getting kicked when we're already down.  I realize to some this may seem like a simple problem and easily fixed and yes, our hope is that surgery will "fix" this for us and we can move on from there.  But even if that's the solution to this problem and there is nothing else wrong it still means more time...time spent yearning, hoping...trying to believe that God can work a miracle in our lives.

   I firmly believe that God has a perfect plan for our lives and although right now I don't understand why or fully appreciate the bumpy road, I can find a small window of hope in the blessings.  We are richly blessed with family and friends who have carried us through this.  I am so wonderfully blessed with Jamie, my true soulmate and rock...an absolute gift from God!  We have been blessed by the outpouring of prayer from so many...we have deeply felt the impact of prayer.  And we are blessed by a Father who doesn't always shield us from the negatives life may bring us, but has ALWAYS promised to walk with us every step of the way.  He IS my Strength, my Comforter, and my Rock...the ultimate Healer!!

  I don't know the plans God has for my life and beyond getting through today, I have no idea how He will see us through this.  The next few weeks are not going to be easy for us and the very thought of waiting some more is crippling.  I do know that believing and trusting in God is going to be a minute to minute decision for me and I know that no matter the outcome God WILL provide for our needs.

   Again thank you to all who lift us up in prayer and encourage daily!!  We only ask one thing...please pray for us in the weeks to come!

  I took this picture of Jamie the day we had our first insemination and I took it knowing full well that no matter what happened I was going to praise God, whether we got a baby or not.  Today we lift our hands up to One who makes ALL things possible.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him."   ~Psalm 28:7

Sweet Little Keyan

Once again I have had the wonderful opportunity to run after Keyan with my camera and I have to say the kid is a natural!!  My time with him absolutely added sunshine to our overcast day and I left with a smile on my face and looking forward to the next time we get to hang out together.  After his mommy asked if he wanted to go for a walk we couldn't seem to get him off the idea of a walk even to shoot a few pictures.  I kept hearing, "Come on, Jess, we go for walk!"  He was quite insistent but even through it all he still hung in there and flashed that winner smile.  Thanks again, Jess, for giving me the opportunity to capture your family moments.  I absolutely love spending time with all of you!!

The picture below was a moment no one could have tried to pose.  Keyan marched down the steps of the playground and wrapped his little arms around his daddy.  What a sweet, special moment...thankfully my camera was still handy.  Catching moments like this is what makes standing behind the camera totally worth it.

On a side note, I can't wait to share the newest addition to our Monkee group.  Our good friends, Matt and KK, had little Karlie on November 1 and weighing in at 4lbs 12oz, she's just a little bug.  But we are so excited to finally meet her and I can't wait to share her newborn photos next week.  I just couldn't resist sharing a picture I took with my phone.  Welcome Little Karlie and Congrats Matt and KK!!  We love you guys!