Sweet Little Keyan

Once again I have had the wonderful opportunity to run after Keyan with my camera and I have to say the kid is a natural!!  My time with him absolutely added sunshine to our overcast day and I left with a smile on my face and looking forward to the next time we get to hang out together.  After his mommy asked if he wanted to go for a walk we couldn't seem to get him off the idea of a walk even to shoot a few pictures.  I kept hearing, "Come on, Jess, we go for walk!"  He was quite insistent but even through it all he still hung in there and flashed that winner smile.  Thanks again, Jess, for giving me the opportunity to capture your family moments.  I absolutely love spending time with all of you!!

The picture below was a moment no one could have tried to pose.  Keyan marched down the steps of the playground and wrapped his little arms around his daddy.  What a sweet, special moment...thankfully my camera was still handy.  Catching moments like this is what makes standing behind the camera totally worth it.

On a side note, I can't wait to share the newest addition to our Monkee group.  Our good friends, Matt and KK, had little Karlie on November 1 and weighing in at 4lbs 12oz, she's just a little bug.  But we are so excited to finally meet her and I can't wait to share her newborn photos next week.  I just couldn't resist sharing a picture I took with my phone.  Welcome Little Karlie and Congrats Matt and KK!!  We love you guys!

Struggles

I'm finding it difficult to know exactly how to begin this post.  First, I'd like to share a photo of our home...yes, I finally am getting around to posting this!  I know it's far overdue but life has just been so busy I've rarely found time to get out my camera for anything besides family photos.  No it's not a mansion or anything particularly grand but it's OUR home and we are thrilled to finally be here.

While we are absolutely thrilled to be in a new home, our own home and so thankful for the incredible blessings God has showered upon us, we also continue to struggle with the pain and frustration of infertility.  We've recently been pursuing our options regarding infertility and I must admit my hesitation in doing so.  You'd think I would be thrilled to finally be moving in some direction but honestly I had finally come to a place where we weren't doing testing or throwing around what direction we should go and I was at a point where I wasn't so down and out so the thought of starting the process up again and potentially putting ourselves out there for more hurt and disappointment didn't look inviting in the least. But knowing that at some point we needed to take that leap of faith and take the next step, we began again.

Here is a post Jamie recently posted on his Facebook page and despite the tears I had already been crying, the dam definitely opened after I read this.  My heart was filled with such love for this man God gave to me!

Today God looked down and said "No you are not ready yet." I started to complain and say why not.... I'm ready.... We want this really bad... And why!?!? He just smiled and said "I know you don't understand right now but just wait and see it will all make since." I could've of kept on asking why but I said "Ok,ok you do know best and I will wait and see what it is you have in-store for my life... Yes I don't like waiting around for the answer but I will. Thank you for all your blessing and for those that have not come yet." So here I am in waiting again but life is good and I have a great wife who is helping me get thru this! I love you baby girl!!

My heart cries out with hurt and frustration, the ache of empty arms a sad reality, at times feeling as though it's suffocating the life from me.  The 7 years of waiting and continued months of waiting we have yet to endure seem like an endless sea of hopelessness and disappointment.  I'm not a great example of this all the time and I shamelessly admit that I've lost hope and I've been angry, so I write this now when a glimmer of hope is present because even at the worst times deep down I know that I serve a God who is EVER faithful; a God who can heal the broken hearted; a God who when everything is stacked against you and the impossibilities are staring you in the face, can make all things possible and bring about a miracle.

My prayer of late has been this, God, You know the desires of our hearts, You see our hurts and our struggles and You can ultimately change that for us.  But we continue to pray for a miracle and my true prayer is this...If children are NOT part of You're plan for us, then may the miracle be my heart's content for a childless future.

I have been struggling immensely with the burden of infertility lately, my job as an L&D nurse a constant reminder of what I can't have, and through it I've seen heartache and pain...BUT I've also seen God!  His blessings are constant, His love ever present, and His faithfulness a calm in the storm.  It's so difficult for me not to look up and ask, "Why?", my humanly mind incapable of understanding His great plan for our lives.  But no matter my plans or aspirations in life, I am daily reminded that I serve a God who is in control and has a beautiful plan for my life.  I may not understand it at the time but I'm called to praise Him through the good and the bad.  No I don't particularly enjoy this season of grieving but I can find joy in the midst of sorrow.

Again I wanted to share something that has brought comfort to me.  I've really been enjoying the christian station in my car lately and find that God really has a way of speaking to me through music.  I pray that if you're struggling and in need a miracle today that this will also bring to you the miracle of peace in the midst of pain.  I also ask that you keep Jamie and I in your prayers...prayer is such a powerful thing and we greatly appreciate those who have and continue to lift us up in prayer.

                         

I again had the great opportunity to do senior pictures for a friend of mine this past week and wanted to share with you because this guys down-to-earth smile and dark eyes just needed to be shared.  I spent quite a bit of time this spring doing senior pictures for 2 beautiful girls and I just had to giggle at the difference between the sexes.  This shoot took less than an hour and although his smile is quite natural, he's still a guy and this so wasn't his thing.  But he hung in there, made his mom shed a few tears, and if anything we had a nice time enjoying this gorgeous weather we've been having.  I have quite a few shoots on the calendar coming up as we move into cooler weather.  Many blessings as you finish this last year of high school and move into a new phase of life, Derrick!

The idea for this picture below just happened to pop into my head and didn't think it turned out too bad.  I liked the idea that she's standing in the background...sending him off into the world...but always there to walk back to when he needs her.  (OK maybe this would have more sentimental with a girl, he probably just rolls his eyes at this one.)

After months of silence I'm happy to come back with on here with some pictures of this sweet little girl.  I haven't done a photo shoot in quite a while and it was so fun to jump back in the saddle again and capture a few shots with her and her brother.  So thankful I have people who have asked me to do repeat photo sessions with them!  Hope you enjoy!

To those who follow my blog, I apologize for the months of silence.  I assure you it was not intended but as life has been overwhelming busy and full of fun and exciting adventures, I just simply wasn't able to take the time to update or even take pictures to share.  I had to blow the dust off my poor neglected camera to do this shoot (and of course I didn't mean that literally...I'd NEVER let her get covered dust :)).  But with that said I'm pleased to share the news that Me and Him are now happy home owners!!!  After years...almost 8 now...of tumbling around from home to home, through the grace of God we were able to purchase a home of our own in July.  It was a dream we've had since we first got married and no it's no mansion or castle but we could care less and frankly it's out "mansion".  From the first night we've been pinching ourselves, hardly able to believe this dream has become a reality.  I'm hoping to get some pictures to share soon...now that my camera has been resurrected from the dust.  Stay tuned!!

Cardboard Box Adventures

Another fine adventure is now hot off the press!!  My mom had asked me a few weeks ago if I would be available to help watch my older brother's kids again.  M & M were planning on going away with her parents to celebrate her mom's birthday.  Of course I was more than happy to re-arrange the nothing I had planned on my calendar that day to help her out.  We spent the afternoon reading books, building forts, racing tricycles, taking naps (yes even Isaac laid down for a little bit), and drinking Grammy's fabulous meadow tea!  It was an afternoon full of adventures and fun!

Prior to the fort (or castle, if you ask Elianna) building, the entertainment of choice happened to be the box my mom keeps a bunch of foam letters in.  Who knew a few boxes were all we needed for afternoon entertainment?!?

We were beginning to wonder if Elianna hadn't fallen asleep in hers...she was literally inside the box for more than 15 min...we barely saw it move...but she was content as could be.

There aren't many pictures of Isaac as he hardly holds still long enough to get a clear shot!

Post fort build...which included a hole on one side to accommodate the tunnel as an alternate entrance.  Stay tuned for fort-building and crazy adventures!

This Memorial Day weekend brought with it few plans on the calendar so an impromptu get together with my family last evening was a welcome invitation.  The evening started out with sunshine but it soon became obvious the sunshine would not last as the dark, heavy clouds began to roll in.  But we enjoyed a few moments of fun in the yard before it the flood gates opened from above.  Caleb is now walking and if we couldn't keep him stationary before, the task has now become near impossible.  Smiling and pointing at you seems to be his "thing" and always makes us laugh.

Isaac and Isaiah came to the party with Papa Smurf who had picked them up with Ted and brought them over.  The kids just love the special rides they get with Papa Smurf and Ted.  Isaiah had a permanent place by the chips until the rain moved our party to the garage and then he found residence by the grapes.

Papa Smurf kept the fire going and the burgers and dogs roasting...as well as stealing chips from Isaiah.  I kept telling Isaiah to take a chip to Uncle Jamie and Papa Smurf just kept on intercepting.  Notice the little face peering around the chair at me..."Look, I tried to give it to Uncle Jamie but Pappy kept taking them!"

Uncle Jason had a little time with Elianna.  Her and daddy showed up right before the rain.  Unfortunately Maegan and Baby Eva couldn't make it as Eva was finally sleeping.  She has been doing somewhat better after an adjustment to her medication but has her nights and days mixed up.  We continue to ask for prayers for Baby Eva and their family as they take this journey one day at a time.

The evening ended with us partying in my brother's garage and enjoying the craziness that makes my family fun.  Lacey thankfully was prepared with some light sticks!  Great idea, Lacey!

And thank you to those who have, are, and will serve our country and fight for our freedom!!

 I was asked recently to do senior pictures for 2 beautiful ladies and what an afternoon we all had!  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to work with them and I wanted to share.  To these special ladies, thanks so much for the privilege to take these and for all the laughs...AND for saving me from the snake!  Blessings to you both as you begin a new journey in life.