Week One Down

Wow, it is amazing how drastically ones life can change in one week!!!  We have moved past a level of exhaustion we never knew possible.  Overwhelmed??  YES!  And then some!!  I feel like I've lived the last 10 years worth of emotions all over again in one week.  The roller coaster of emotions quickly moved from a stream to a raging river.

First let me say we are all doing well and despite trying to find new normals and routines for all of us, we are slowly finding ours and figuring out how we work as a family.  A FAMILY!  I never really considered just Jamie and I family...this family concept is a strange one.  (I'm wishing I could put my facial expressions in here for a change because I feel as though I can't adequately describe life right now.)  Regardless, we are now "daddy" and "mommy" (most of the time) and as strange as it sounds and as much I don't know my heart has fully accepted it, I'm coming to a point where hearing it will illicit an immediate response rather than the initial delayed response.  I'll definitely never tire of hearing them yell "Daddy!!" when Jamie gets home.  My heart becomes this melted, gooey glob of mushy emotions.  So to answer the many messages, texts, emails, and love showered on us this week...we are doing well.  Adjusting, coping, transitioning...but doing just fine.

Second, I'd really love to put together a post titled, "The things I've learned about parenting in one week" because seriously if I had a dollar for every time I thought that this week, neither Jamie nor I would have to work!!  I had no idea how quickly the poop can pile up, how many arguments and personal disasters would occur over the silliest things, and how much more I'd grow to love my husband.  It's been eye opening to say the least, but I didn't expect anything else.  In fact many of my fears have come to life this week.

My greatest fear in all of this was that I'd regret it.  And I can't say that I regret it...it's way too early to be saying anything like that. But I've had many, many unsettling moments over the past week and that has been it's own journey.  I literally sat down at one moment to write thank you notes and I just couldn't get myself to do it, instead I sat and cried.  One of those gut wrenching cries that pulls from your soul.  It happened to be my first day at home with the kids on my own and I was petrified!!  I had no clue how to navigate this on my own.  There comes adult moments in life when you wonder how exactly did you get here...married, working, doing adult things...and you panic because suddenly you feel 5 years old and everything is screaming, there's no way you're adult enough for this!!!  I had many of those moments this week!!  How do parents do this day in and day out??  A question I've asked many this past week.

GOD...as with everything in life...GOD will see you thru it.  My older brother sent me an email this week as they too are dealing with a recent move and adding 2 foster children to their home...yikes doesn't come close to covering how I'd feel about that.  But his one comment to me was this...

You weren't built for this but HE is!

Truer words were never spoken!!  My mom also posted a song on my FB page by Amanda Cook, called Heroes and my favorite line in the song...

You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment and I will worship.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm depressed about our current situation or disappointed about it.  Both Jamie and I are trying to find out our new norm in this, along with that means letting go of old norms...time to ourselves without little people needing our every attention every minute; enjoying time together without falling asleep the minute we crawl into bed; simply losing the independence we once had.  11 years to ourselves is a long time to build routines and to have that uprooted in one night is a shock to the system.  It takes time to let go of what we once had and embrace the new.  As much as we wanted children, I had come to a peace about where we were and now to change that plan on us, let's just say I had to embrace that much quicker than the time it took to finally feel a peace about not having children.  We've taken a HUGE leap of faith!  So yes, my feet have had to dance upon disappointment this week.  In time we'll build a new routine and find that we got this, but for now we are still calming the nerves and fears that come to any new parent.  For now we rest in GOD knowing that He has our best intentions as well as their best intentions in mind.

On that note, I'd like to share the last night Jamie and I had as just a family of 2.  I had to work the day before I had to go and pick them up and I think that was good because it kept my mind and heart from having a complete panic attack.  We wanted to make the house into a welcome home party for them, so we went out to get balloons when I got home.  In talking we decided on a last minute night out and he took me to Olive Garden.  Not the fanciest but special to us as it was the place we had our last date the night before we said I Do.  When we got home he told me to shower and then he had something special planned for me.  Now let me tell you, I loved that man a whole heap before, this past week watching him rise to each occasion, I've grown to love him more and it started with this night together!!  Indeed he had something special for us...he had a fire crackling in the fire place and our favorite movie, "P.S. I Love You", in the DVD player.  Ya know that ooey gooey mess my heart was before, yeah, I'm still trying to get that melted mess outta the carpet!!  It just felt like a perfect evening for us and I soaked it up!!  An evening by the fire with the one I love...I didn't think it could get any better.  I was wrong!!  He has gone above and beyond any expectations I ever had in him as a husband and a father!  He has rolled in like a gentle wave and completely takes the fears and stress and absorbs them.  I'm amazed at how much more I love him now than just a week ago...I didn't think it was possible!!

I know, enough of the mushy stuff.  Ok, ok so I'd like to just say thank you to the many people who have reached out to us this week and have covered us in thoughts and prayers!!!  We would NOT be able to do this without the outpouring of love and support and encouragement from all of you!  We have felt the prayers and ask for continued prayers as we continue to transition.  May your lives be blessed for the absolute blessing you've been to our family!!

THANK YOU!!