Announcing...

Well we are finally doing it!  We are making the BIG announcement we've always dreamed of.  That's right...we are adding to our family of two and expanding to a family of five!

Yep you heard me right, I said

FIVE!! 

This has been quite another journey for us and will continue to be a journey but we are thrilled to share where God has taken us the past three months.

Three months ago this wasn't even a thought process for us.  We were continuing on with the two of us and I won't lie, I was perfectly fine with where God had us.  We were finally wrapping our brains around it being just us and it was honestly sitting just fine with us.  Yes, there are always times we would wonder and wish that life had been different for us but the more we moved thru life the more we enjoyed having just us.  Yet again God went and changed the agenda for us.  I'd be lying if I said I haven't dealt with a few moments of anger at God for changing the plans on us again.  I mean we were finally OK with US, why did we have to change that??  But if we've learned anything we learned that God works in His time, not ours.

The path of infertility never had adoption completely off the radar, we just felt that if it would be for us it would have to be the right situation.  We just couldn't afford all the adoption costs and again, I just felt that if it was God directed, then it would have to be the right circumstance.  But it was never an idea we were closed off to.  Around Mothers Day this year we had a family gathering for my family and little did we know it would be a life changer for us.  My older brother Mike and his wife Maegan had been approved for foster care within the last year and while we thought they were mildly crazy for it, we also knew they always had a heart for adoption or fostering and stood behind them 100%.  Yes, they're a busy family, but they are both phenomenal parents and have a true heart for kids.  Over the past year we've had some extra little people to welcome in as they have done some short term fostering.  This particular dinner they happened to have two little boys they were keeping for the weekend for another family.  (There are three boys but my brother and SIL were only able to take two.  You can only have 6 children in your home at a time when fostering...we've learned quite a lot during this whole process.) The family that is fostering the boys happen to also be close friends with my brother and SIL and Jamie and I happen to know the family as we had connections with them growing up.  As my family tends to do, we just welcomed these boys in that evening and they just seemed to "fit in" with our crazy clan.  As the evening went on Jamie and I as well as my parents began asking questions about them and found out that they may be up for adoption soon.

We also found out that foster to adopt meant a very different picture financially in terms that we could definitely afford.  We are in no means doing this for the money!  But one of our issues with adoption was the big financial issue...how would we afford it??  Our hearts also didn't seem to be pulled in that direction in the last 10 years.  Well that changed after one evening with these boys...oh man, did it ever change!!  We felt the pull, we felt God's hand pointing us down another road and sending us in a completely different direction.  It was as much a surprise to us as anyone else!

So after talking it over and praying about it I contacted the agency they were currently with and told them we were interested in fostering to adopt if possible.  Talk about airing your dirty laundry for all to see!  This process sure isn't for the faint of heart or those who like their privacy and I sure do like my privacy!!
  What are your thoughts on discipline?
What was your childhood like?
Do you have the adequate number of smoke detectors?
How do you cope with stress?
Does your doctor, your neighbor, your close friends, your 3rd grade teacher think you're qualified to be a parent?
Do you like cheese on your sandwiches?

OK so that last one wasn't one of the questions but it barely stopped at that.  I fully understand why we were asked these questions but it doesn't make getting asked them any easier.  And when it seems as though any Tom, Dick, or Harry can procreate and pop out a baby whether they have the funds, a stable home, or even care about the child while we have to go thru the tedious task of submitting a mound...yes, it was a mound...of paperwork, give our John Hancock more times than we care to count, and attend classes, well you can guess the bitterness that can accompany all of this.  Yep, I sure am bitter about some of it.  Yep, I'm angry about the process at times.  Absolutely I've questioned what in THE SAME HILL are we thinking?!?!?

But in the end, it's those little faces we've continued to see thru it all...

It's those little faces...these little personalities that we are falling in love with.  This whole process hasn't been the norm but we don't do normal so why stop now.  We've had the fortunate opportunity to spend several days with them here and there and get to know them better and vice versa.  And it would seem as though they too are enjoying spending time with us.  They haven't wanted to go back home several times we've spent a day together and we just can't find the right words to explain why we can't keep them overnight.  (It's not an option until we are officially approved from the agency.)  But we have been so blessed by the family they are with right now who have been such a huge help thru this whole process!!  They have been so wonderful in allowing us unlimited time with them and have tried from the very beginning to make both us and them comfortable with one another.  We are so grateful for the influence they've had in the boys lives and for their amazing support thru all of this!!

We had some wonderful conversations with the boys so far and have greatly enjoyed getting to know them.  We, as well as my family, are definitely getting quickly attached.  The best conversation so far was with the oldest.  They had asked me earlier in the day if we had any children and I said no and they immediately wanted to know why.  "Well, we wanted children but God just never gave us children.  We would love to have kids."  The wheels must have been turning because he brought it up again after the other two were down for a nap.  He asked me again if we had any kids and after I answered, he immediately responded with, "Hey, I know!!  WE could be your kids!"
Insert jaw hitting the floor...and no idea how to respond.  We, nor the family they're with now, have told them any of this process or that we are hoping to one day adopt them.  We felt it wasn't fair to them after all they've had to go thru in their little lives already.  But children are sure not dumb and I think they are picking up on all of this.  They just want a place to settle down, a place to call home permanently.  Our hearts break with what they've had to endure already on their short time on earth.  Those moments when the doubts begin to creep in and we seriously wonder how we'll be able to handle such a huge change to our lives and wonder if we'll even be good parents...we see those faces and we're reminded that they deserve so much more.  We long to give them wonderful childhood memories, to fill their lives with love, and to open our home and welcome in the family we've always dreamed of having.  It's difficult sometimes to feel like we've missed parts of their lives but a line from a movie recently ran thru my head and reminded me that we may not have their past but we have their future and we have the opportunity to change their world.

And so our lives will go from just to two of us to toys all over the floor, a car full of carseats, peanut butter and jelly in the cracks of the dining room chairs, crayon marks on the walls (yep, they've already made their marks on the house), exploring the creek out front with cowboy hats and flashlights, listening to Elsa belt out "Let It Go" from the car speakers, and handprints on the mirrors.  But we'll also have snuggles during movie time, endless hugs and kisses, and hearing mommy and daddy uttered for the first time...and in those moments we'll know that this is what we were built for, that this was the journey we were meant to travel...the road that would bring them to us and us to them.  And we'll fall into bed exhausted, tired beyond belief, but happier than we've ever been.

We would appreciate continued prayers and support as we will hopefully be welcoming them into our home by the end of the month and then hopefully eventually transition from fostering to adoption.  It won't be easy and we're scared to death but we've been overwhelmed but the outpouring of love, support, and encouragement from those closest to us who have known about the process.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne

Here's to saddling up and welcoming 3 more little cowboys along for the ride!