His Perfect Timing

It's been quite a while since I've update anything on my blog and it's partly because I feel without pictures my blog tends to get boring and as I haven't been taking many these days I've had a lack of things to blog about.  We've also been extremely busy with our jobs, finally beginning to paint and make this house OUR own, and once again getting back in the swing of fertility treatments.  Life feels like it's been a whirlwind since the New Year!  The beginning of the year started out rather rough for me.  I found myself hung up on beginning another year and trying not to think "maybe this will be my year" for the umpteenth time.  But along with that brought about the anger stage of grief for me again and I found myself feeling such anger towards God.  Sometimes it's difficult not to wonder, why...if God is so powerful and mighty then why can't He change this for me?  He knows my hurts, He knows my deep desires...He formed me, He gave me those desires...so why in all His omnipotence can't He just make this happen for us?  Why do I have to endure the pain of this journey?

No matter how much I've asked this question over the last few years, I know in my heart that God doesn't operate on my timing, on my plans, or unintentionally.  His plans have my best intentions in mind and His timing is truly perfect.  He hasn't maliciously kept me from having children but He has faithfully walked every step of the way with me no matter my attitude.  We are allowed moments of anger, we are in fact human and God doesn't expect perfection, but we cannot allow the anger to become a black hole in our lives and swallow us up.  I cannot allow the anger to cover my heart with blackness...I cannot shut God out simply because things haven't happened on my time.

 Throughout the long period of waiting on God's perfect timing and trying to stay strong in my faith (something I have failed many times!) God has continued to show His true faithfulness despite the heartache.  And I've discovered that through the waiting I've learned many life lessons!  I've discovered that without the struggles and tears life brings I wouldn't have known the value of contentment.  Contentment is often found when we put aside our pride, lay down our worries, and truly allow God's work to be done through you.  Would we know contentment if life was truly perfect for us?  The storms aren't always fun to weather but how would we understand His true love and devotion to us without the need to depend on Him?  I've discovered that being happy and being joyful are two very different emotions.  "Consider it pure joy my brothers..." has a whole new meaning when you consider that joy and happiness don't mean the same thing.  I can be joyful without cracking a smile and throwing a celebration...not that being happy requires streamers and balloons.  Being joyful simply means finding good amidst the ugly, I can still bring glory to God despite feeling a deep sense of grief and pain.  Lastly, I've discovered that God in His perfect timing has always provided for every one of my needs.  I can honestly look back over the last year and although it was a tough one, I can still see God's beautiful hands among the rubble and brokenness.  God has used so many people to physically show me He has never left my side!  And this is what I share with you today.  Those acts of God have come in the form of texts at just the moment I needed them, through a plaque a dear friend gave me...

the angel of wishes, a sweet reminder that hope remains, from another dear friend...

I've seen it through my "therapy sessions" with my hairdresser...

in the little girl with blonde pigtails who calls me Aunt Jess...

through last minute lunch dates to Olive Garden or late night Denny's runs...

sent in a card full of encouragement and words of comfort...

with hand hugs :)...

in moments of pure laughter and joy in the kitchen with my husband and feeling the richness in the true gift he is to me...

and I've felt it through the arms of a mom who knows that words aren't always the solution.

I've seen God in these faces

God is ALL around me!!  He has been there when I've received the call that "unfortunately the pregnancy test was negative".  He's been there when my deepest fear of finding a polyp on the next ultrasound has come to life.  He knows my heart, my desires, and my worries.  I can't change the outcome, I can't answer the "why" questions, I can't erase time.  BUT I can praise Him even when life isn't meeting my expectations!  I will still love my God even if His plan doesn't include children for me!  I will NOT allow this to keep me from joyfully praising Him!  I guarantee there will be days I'll be angry and unhappy, I am only human and God does not expect perfection.  His grace is sufficient for me and His love and devotion are ever present!  I can survive this.

I've seen God in so many ways through the love and encouragement sent from many!  To those who have responded to His prompting and perfect timing by sending a text, card, having a last minute lunch date, or simply through a hug, I cannot say thank you enough for following His leading and reaching out!  You've impacted my life in significant ways you'll probably never know, but knowing that so many have selflessly given in such big ways provides amazing strength for the journey.

A friend recently sent me something through Facebook to encourage through this waiting journey and I wanted to share it with you.  The link is posted at the bottom of this post.  If you are struggling with a "wait" issue I pray you too will find these words as encouraging as I found them.  Blessings as you too wait on Him! 

 

Psalm 100:1-3, "Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture." (ESV)

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/wait-training-101-encouragement-for-today-feb-22-2013.html