After 10 months out west in Montana, Jamie and I felt that God was once again calling us back east and so after 1,800 miles and 4 long days on the road we have made it back to PA. But let me tell you, the trip back may have been uneventful as far as traveling goes, but it certainly made for some interesting e-mail conversation and it all started with one word in an e-mail heading from Mudder Smucker.....CONVOY! Who knew one tiny word would spark an endless array of e-mails consisting only of "trucker talk" and " CB slang" and OH THE FUN!!
Just to explain a little so you're not completely lost in the e-mail frenzy or trucker slang, my brother-in-law Marco and his girlfriend came out to help us move in and much to my surprise and happiness, my uncle Kenny hopped aboard the convoy train. When we left Montana on Wednesday morning, Jamie and I were in our truck pulling a trailer, Marco and his girlfriend were in his truck with a trailer and Kenny was driving our SUV...it truly was a convoy! And so, in true Smucker spirit, I just had to share some of our fun with you.
Definitions: First you may want to do a google search on"CB slang" because I'm not going to define every last term we used...it would take WAY too long and this post would never end...kinda like our convoy. But I will define whose "handle" belongs to who...
The Jamie Duck, J-Duck, the Duck: Jamie
Big Ken: Kenny
Captain Digger: Jason or Digger, however you know him
Jackrabbit: Mike
Papa Rooster, Daddy Rooster, Big Rooster: Papa Smurf
Mother Hen: Mudder Smucker
The Seatcover, Shotgun Rider, the Cover: Me
(I think that covers everyone.....may the fun begin!)
Mike: Ah Breaker 1-9 this here is the Jamie Duck, you gotta copy on me Big Ken come on?
Ah yea 10-4 Big Ken fer sure fer sure, by golly its clean clear to PA come on?
Yeah that's a big 10-4 there Big Ken, yeah we definitely got the front door good buddy, mercy sakes alive looks like we got us a
CONVOY....
He said Big Ken this here's the Duck and I'ma bout to put the hammer down.
Papa Smurf: Someone has WAY to much time on their hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just waitin till they crash the gate doin 98!
Mike: No time, no time, just mesmorization!
Me: Terd does not adequately describe your weirdness! Ok really I'm laughing my rear off...what a hoot! Keep em coming cause the on-road entertainment is priceless.
200 moving boxes....$50, 4,000 gallons of fuel.....$2,000, 1 rented trailer.....$500, the convoy it takes to move us.....priceless! Over and out!
Mike: Uh breaker, Big Ken this here's the Duck you wanna back off them dogs?
Uh 10-2 about 5 mile or so, 10 roger, them dogs is a getting intense up here.
Callin all trucks, this heres the Duck wes about to go A huntin.................
SQUIRRELS!
Digger: Aoy aoy said Captain Digger, hey land hoe here comes the truckers doin 90 on 95! Over and out!
Me: Uh yea, Jackrabbit, this here is the Duck. We've got her covered on them thar dogs. Wes backin er down and settlin in. Hold tight big guy. You roger that, Jackrabbit?
Me: Roger that, Captain Digger, jus spoke with the Jackrabbit thar and wes all good. Got er set to the floor and wes hammerin down thar on 90. Keep er close for more updates...over n out, Captain!
Mike: Uh Duck this heres Jackrabbit.
Gonna back er on outta here.
Anklebiters is a tearing up the eager beaver.
Steer clear of the greasy spoons and keep it between the ditches.
Don't let the seatcovers yammer too much.
Down n out
Me: That's a copy Jackrabbit. She's a slowin up here. Wes a pullin er to the side for a bit o beef, 10-4, n a little sight seein by the pavement. Wes puttin the wheels to pavement later on. We'll keep er posted! Jamie Duck, over n out!
Mike: Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Big Ken?
Uh negatory Big Ken, yer still too close.
Yeah them dogs is startin close up my sinuses.
Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten.
Don't blow all yer green stamps on them thar redneck whips!
(The e-mails continued into Thursday...)
Mike: Uh Breaker 1-9 this heres the Jackrabbit, you got a copy on me Jamie Duck come on?
What's yer 20?
Yeah this heres the Jackrabbit and them anklebiters is out cold. Not an ounce of gogo in 'em.
Left em in the bunk but them batteries'll be charged up soon nuff.
This here fluff stuff is still comin down but not nuff to start throwin iron, just opened up the skating rinks.
You gotta 10-13?
Keep them steaks off your yer grill.
10-10 good buddy
Mike: 10-32
Is this thing on?
Me: (At this point, I had no idea all the "10-#" meant anything...I soon did my homework)Ah 10-55, there Jackrabbit. You gotta copy? Wes gettin some go-go juice and then yammerin down on the 90. We'll keep er connected here on channel 12. Come on, come on there Big Rooster and Captain Digger....you got a roger on that last 10-4? Over n out from the Duck here.
Mike: Copy that Duck.
Still waitin for the 10-13, is the fluff stuff holdin off?
Keep them 10-100s to a min but don't blow the tanks.
We'll keep the straight shot open for you as long as we can.
Jackrabbit standin by
Me: Fer sure, fer sure there Jackrabbit. We're dressed for the ball with our fat load. Gots the anklebiters in tow. Just stopped for some diesel juice and now I'm checkin for pin holes in my eyelids. The front door is wide open and fll throttle. Big Ken is pickin up the tab. We passed a paper hanger a while back but so far the bears are in hibernation. Been tryin to raise Capt Digger and Daddy Rooster but we've got a case o mic fright. Keep up to date on the 10-13. So far the way is bueno. Holler in a short.....the Duck
Mike: 10-4 good buddy
Captn and the Rooster are scart skinny. Don't wanna be labeled a bunch a turkeys.
10-13 hasn't changed, still clear an breezy.
Jackrabbit, sitting on a 10-65
Over
SQUIRREL!!!
Mother Hen: How you all doing? I considered joining the 'road talk' but I don't think I'd do a very good job of it. Besides, you all seem to be doing a pretty bang up job with it. What a hoot....
Papa Smurf: This heres the Papa Rooster.
We 10-95'd all them beef n hogs.
Had a straight shot down the middle and made a run for it.
The boys were firin on all ten cylinders and got er done.
I'll be doin a 10-25 in the pens. Clearin the way on down to pitsville.
I'll catch ya on the flip side.
Keep the juice in the tanks and the peddle on the flat.
Papa Rooster out and over
Me: I got yer 10-2 thar Papa Rooster and JAckrabbit. Thanks for the tabs on the 10-13...keep em coming.
Had a SNAFU with the fat load and had to pullover for a 10-100, some motion lotion and a quick load swap with the Rockin Chair cause the tranny was runnin on the hots and we're back on the rebound keeping the rubber side down and the metal side up.
Stoppin off here for a quick one at the greasy spoon. Riding shotgun with the Duck and having a blast. Ceiling looks a little overcast but the floor is still dry. I'll be looking for the 10-13 from your end as we hammer closer. QRX, The Duck
Mike: Fer sure, fer sure, hauling kitchen sinks in bull wagons is gonna put a beat down on them thar cowboy cadillacs.
The home-20 picture taker still shows easy and breezy on the topside.
The down low is clear and grippy. Cant' say what the flip flop will be in the am just yet.
Jackrabbit, just a pickin and grinnin.
Is the plan to log more Z's or hammer a straight shot throught the dark side?
Me: Copy that, Jackrabbit. Mercy sakes these kitchen sinks sure do haul heavy. All the horses are engaged and we're sittin low on the hitch.
Just finished at the chew n choke and pulled er in fer a short to cut some Z's and then we'll be toenails to the pavement. Plan is to drop the hammer till we've chewed thru most of IOwa and then press the sheets for the night.
We'll keep followin the stripes home and you keep the 10-13 on the radar.
Do it to me, the J-Duck
CHIPMUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Come on, come on there Capt Digger this here's the Shotgun Rider for the Jamie Duck. The J-Duck is a 10-8.
You were a double 7 there on the last few DX's. Are you a 10-1? Do you got a copy? Its your nickel there Capt D. Jackrabbit n Papa Rooster have been doin all the jaw jacking so give me a short.
J-Duck....I've got my big ears on!
Me: 10-4 from the big town 'o What Cheer, IO! We're stoppin here so we're not runnin the ditches being Dream Weavers. The lids are startin to head south for Big K and the J-Duck so we decided to go horizontal for the night.
Bout Cinderalla time here and we're hoping to clean between the cracks, throw some chow down the hatch and be back flattening the metal beneath our toes before 0800.
We'll continue to jaw-jack bout that thar 10-13, fer sure. So far the big bird remains in the sky and the pavement dry. So we'll hope for no cloud cover and blue ceilings for the remainder.
Over n out till the AM.....Jamie Duck and the Seatcover
(And the conversation heads into Friday...this trip is turning out to be a L-O-N-G one!)
Digger: 10-32 gottcer copy there Shotgun Rider - J-Duck. 10-27y I been busy keepin ter hog off the road they been a nick up my butt lately.
Fer sure fer sure 10-30 keep em comin. Haw nutcrackin gotta er back on the road and start lightin fire. 10-32 keep er hammer with sink hangin out er end thar. 10-53, time to put some grease on ter floor, I can't seem to get my lighter workin.
Sounds like Jackrabbits yackin about powder again.
10-40 Captain Digger over and out.
Mike: Uh Breaker, breaker J-Duck this heres the Jackrabbit you copy?
Yeah I gotta update on the 10-3 at the home-20.
Covergirl conditions have left here and it's a hollerin somethin ferce out here.
The white ladys got her skirts layed down and a hoggin up the lines.
Bring it in low n slow, low n slow.
10-65 over
Mother Hen: I just turned on my cleaning music and the song on the radio was the Eagles song "life in the fast lane". :)
Papa Smurf: Hey Duck this heres the Rooster. Wes takin a 8-30 on the flip side. Theres piles in the aisles and shes a floppin her skirts. The closer you get to the 10-20 the slower you'll go.
Just keep your rubber on the flat and the roof on the upanup.
Fer sure fer sure looks likes shes meanin to let it all hang out.
By George she musta been heavy on the beans last night cause shes breakin wind fer sure.
Been a good year fer them thar snakes don't ya know. Wes shippin em off ta Californy. Fetchin a mighty fine price cause thems first class. Keeps the jingle in the pocket.
(Just an FYI, if you want to understand the meaning of the snake comment, you'll have to read back a few, to my snow snake post...it explains it all there. Hey, it's either embrace the weirdness or spend the rest of my life in some serious therapy...I chose to remain weird and happy!)
Rooster-out and over. I'll catch ya on the flip side. Keep yer nose clean and the pipes a blowin.
Me: That's a Big 10-4, thar Capt Digger, I got yer copy thar on the 10-53! That Jackrabbit sure is a fog lifter! We've got a bright one above and a dry one below so we'll be hammerin down with the grease horses stampedin!
Jackrabbit n Papa Rooster we've got a clear one up ahead so far, no white skirts a blowin yet! Keep the J-Duck on the radar with the 10-13...got the weather ears on at the choke n puke an she'sa lookin a little hairy down the line so we'll take her low n slow as we're comin through the gate.
Lookin forward to the magic mile and callin this mission complete. The Easy Chair is still washin the cracks but the Big Ken, Jamie Duck n Seatcover are ready to fly down the rubber shaver. It will be breaking a fast on the go for the Easy Chair cause we're burnin daylight. Well gotta get the rubbers a turnin and the horses and runnin. Capt Digger, glad to hear you got the 10-1 back to a 10-2! Keep er rollin off the air waves!
The Seatcover for the J-Duck...also sending a shout out and a 10-10 to the Mother Hen, can't wait to see you at the M20!
Mike: Roger that J-Duck n Cover
I'd have to jawjack more n this to lift any fog around here today.
Just yammerin nuff to keep my own seat warm.
Thinkin bout getting my own set so the Ike and I can jack with all them riggers we pass on the 4lane.
That would get a chuckle or 2.
We've cancelled most of the flights in n out here today, too many flapping skirts to see the lanes.
Might have to make tracks on the home-20 for too long.
The silver bullet don't shoot to straight on the one lanes.
Tried to hold the clear shot open but looks like the white lady is moving fast to shut er down.
Rubber shavers is gonna start shavin more than rubber the closer you bring it in.
Hold onto the wheel and don't let the kitchen sink tell ya where to go.
I'll keep the 10-13 a comin
Jackrabbit, over
Me: Fer sure fer sure there Papa Rooster. The hay at the flop box was great for the Z's and wes been mashin the motor but got the eyeballs peeled fer that thar fluff stuff. Don't want to get into any bubble trouble with this here fat load.
So far wes got the land of beauty and the lights green so we'll keep knockin it out. Got all jacked up on battery acid this mornin and the big ears are on. The backroad keeps getting wider and the magic mile closer.
Bring it back and we'll keep jaw jacking on the flip flop. Just spoke to Mother Hen and she'sa cluckin good so far today.
Big Ken is keepin the hind end clean and we've got the front door open and we're heading for the windy city with a 10-8!
10-67....the Duck and Seatcover
QUACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Roger that Jackrabbit n Ike. Thanks for the DL on the 10-13. Sounds like the white lady might openin those full skirts and shuttin down all lanes...no good, no good but the Convoy'll keeper pushin the rubber down the lanes till the shiny slicks shut er down.
Better get that silver bullet in the home cement a for she really lifts them skirts. Fog liftin is good so far so keep a blowin that moisture up.
The Duck n Cover..........just a quackin the rubber away!
Mike: Breaker Breaker, come in J-Duck
Jackrabbit here
Just heard the green stamp lane is down from Carlisle to Somerset
Don't know for how long.
Keep you posted.
Jackrabbit, over
Me: Fer sure, fer sure there Jackrabbit the Duck'll 10-5 that thru the convoy. Mercy sakes alive the fluff stuff is flying from under her skirts this time! Better get them salt shakers on the green stamp road cause the Duck's got one foot on the floor, one hangin out the door, and she won't do no more!
THe QTH is Galesburg, IL and wes just turned over. The Big K had the front door and the Duck was sittin in the saddle for a bit but the convy is back to the straight again and Big Ken is back rakin the leaves. Bypassed the windy city and the super slab and wes doin our thing in the left hand lane goin 70 in the 4lane. Just passed yardstick 71 on the 74.
It's still a suppository on the fluff stuff here but we'll truck em easy and put er flaps down when we get to the shiny slicks, don't wanna have to pound pavement or call the bandaid buggy or worse an Alice in Wonderland.
The convoy may have to pull er in for a short if that fluff stuff don't go everything is slick fer us. This eager beaver is ready for the home-20!
We got the flappers on so give us a short...thanks for the 10-13 on the green stamp road. We're counting on the skip talking to bring the convoy into the home stretch.
On the side.....Quack out
Me: Come on, come on there Capt Digger. You gotta copy? Jes wonderin if all the Shipmates returned to the Capt yet. Hope all the rugrats are at the home-20. We're walkin the dog so bring me back a 10-32 and a copy on the shipmates....give the Seatcover a shout!
Digger: 10-40 gottca copy, no my mate have not returned to base yet for me to accomplish my mission thar. 10-65, I gotta go help yer 10-65 Big Rooster thar with his big tankers, he's having trouble thar try'en to get back on full throttle.
Well I gotta check out my mate and see when she'sa bring'en my little chickens home to base thar. I tell her to hang on to the wheel and ship'em home.
10-90 Capt Digger over and out.
Me: Fer sure fer sur thar Capt. You tell that pretty little lady to hold on tight to the rubber turner and to get them chickens home to the Papa Bird! Keep me posted on their home-20 cause the Duck's Cover is worried about them. Hope those delivery tractors of Papa Roosters don't go Alice in Wonderland with those thar high winds.
She's on the 10-8.....The Duck and his Side Kick
(It's now Saturday and I'm hoping last night was our last in a hotel for this trip!)
Me: Fer sure fer sure this here Convoy is bringin er on home cause the Duck says wes lettin er all hang out the back and we ain't holdin nuttin back!
The Big Bird came peakin outta the clouds and she'sa dryin up the pavement. She'sa clear shot ahead and we'll be blowin thru the gate so keep er wide open fer us. We'll catch ya on the flip-flop.
Holler in a short.....The Quacker n Lid
Digger: Hey duck do you copy? 10-20 my shipmate has docked. My chicks are running featherless. Fer sure, fer sure. 10-50 if the boat is arockin don't come alookin for eggs where the chickens been. 10-4 on that.
10-4 good buddy, Captain Digger over and out
Me: All the chickens are back in the coup......10-99!!!!!
Quackin out for good this time.
This is the Seatcover......signin off!
This concludes a very long and windy post, but at least this time I can't say the "windiness" is all my doing. If you do happen to look up all the trucker talk to understand our endless use of bad english, you will not find all the terms...we made a few up as we went along...hey, that was part of the fun in all of this! Once again you've had a small glimpse into the weirdness I grew up in...as Papa Smurf always says to his employees, you don't have to be nuts to work here but it sure does help!
This is by far one of the purtiest things I've EVER seen!!!!
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