Happy Birthday, Digger!

26 years ago today, the "homely little duff" that I call my little brother, was born.  He was a fat little baby with chubby cheeks I'm sure many an old lady just had to pinch.  I personally don't remember the day as I was only a year and 2 months old at the time.  But let me tell you growing up with that "duff" was quite an adventure!  Jason was born deaf but back in those days hearing screens after birth were not performed and so it wasn't until a few months later that my parents found out.  What he doesn't have in hearing, he sure does make up for in determination, will-power, and personality!!  On a trip to the mountains one year Papa Smurf decided that we children needed Fire Starting 101 and the video camera just happened to be rolling at the time.  Mike burnt his finger on the first time around so he's waving his finger in the background, I'm somewhere off in girlhood fairy land, and Digger can be heard repeating over and over and over, "Lemme do it...Lemme do it!"  It's a real classic but it just goes to show how much even at a young age, Digger just had to be in the middle of it...he wanted to do everything!

And so as the years passed by and we grew older, Digger and I became buddies.  Sure there are times when I'd still like to wring his neck, but even as a strong-willed child, Digger had a heart of compassion.  He has this way of drawing people to him.  He has a soft side that just makes him a special man...it seems weird to be describing my little brother as a man. This is my favorite picture of the 2 of us together.  It was taken on one of our trips to Raystown Lake.

We always had grand times goofing off!  We hung out with the same circle of friends and so we spent much time together.  When I would come home on the weekends from nursing school my first question to him was, "Where are you taking me?"  We somehow got into the routine of going out on "dates" during the weekend since we had no significant other of our own.  I treasured those moments because we often had some wonderful conversations and he has always been someone I can have a good heart-to-heart with.

Looking handsome!

And then there is this...I have no explaination except to say that my brothers are...freaks of nature!!!!

And this....somehow I have several of these in my photo library...as if one isn't enough.  (He just sneaks that finger in there at the last minute...nice, Digger.)

There is that humerous side to Digger that is just grand!  He has a way of making me laugh sometimes just because he is Digger. We just can't help but love the "homely duff".

It's amazing to watch Digger at work in the butcher shop.  He has been working with a knife since he was a young child.  (Sometimes I wonder if he wasn't born with a butcher's knife in his hands.)  There are pictures of him when he was really little and he's wearing boots they use to wash up and the boots literally come up to his butt.  I don't think my parents could have kept him from working if they had tried.  Have I mentioned he's willful and determined yet???

What a special family!  Although I am not married to him, I know that Digger is a wonderful husband and father.  It's a joy to watch him with his girls.  He recently had the girls at the shop with him one afternoon after lunch and when I asked why, Papa Smurf told me that Digger said, "I just love them so much, I want to be with them."  My heart melted into a gooey pile of chocolate and warm fuzzies at that point.

These 2 little gems make life so much sweeter and I can't wait to watch them grow...between their mommy and daddy they'll have plenty of personality!

He loves being uncle too!

I took this a few years ago whn Digger was hunting up north and I just like the picture.  I received a lesson one year on "walking quietly through the woods while hunting" from Digger.  We made so much noise laughing that it didn't matter how quietly we walked.  And after a busy day hunting there is no better past time than taking a nap...he enjoys those just as much as Papa Smurf does.  As Rachel likes to say, "Nitey, nite".

Digger, I hope your day was special.  I'm so proud to be your sister and you've only made my pride grow as I watch you be husband and father!  It was a joy and an aggrivation growing up with you, but somehow I don't really remember the aggrivating times as much as the good ones.  You are an inspiration to me at times...you take challenges and overcome them with your determination and will.  You've never allowed your weaknesses to overpower your strengths.  You may not be 6 foot tall, but you've got enough will-power to take on any tall challenge!  My prayer is that you will feel God's blessings in your life for the way in which you've blessed so many other's.

Happy Birthday, Little Brother, I Love You!

This little monkey reminded me of the reason why we call you Digger.  :) 

Papa Smurf Turns 50

"Papa Smurf the leader of the Smurfs and the only Smurf who wears red.  Papa Smurf brings the Smurfs to safety in times of danger and crisis.  Everyone in Smurf Village turns to Papa Smurf when things go awry."

I found this info about Papa Smurf recently and although the nickname Papa Smurf just happened, I thought how ironic it was that this description of Papa Smurf fits so well with my Papa Smurf.  I'm sure at times he wishes he wasn't burdened with so much responsibility in the "Smurf Village" but non-the-less, he carries that responsibility well.  So today is our day to celebrate with Papa Smurf.  So hop aboard and take a little trip down memory lane with me.  (I wish I had the pictures I really wanted, but the few I have will have to make do.)

I have this picture hanging on my frig and I'm not sure what it is I love about it, maybe it's the beautiful sunshine in the background or the smile on Papa Smurf's face or maybe the fact that I knew even at that age that my Papa Smurf loved me.

(Check out that yawn...yikes...I think I was bored.)  Again, another winner from the 80's.  Papa Smurf has always had a way with kids.  Even today the grandkids know their Pappy well and sure do enjoy hanging out with him.  He keeps a special stash of candy in his office at the shop and Rachel and Isaac both know right where it is.

Having Papa Smurf as my dad is the coolest!  He made time to play with us in the evenings after work and early on made it a point to be involved in our lives and in turn we became actively involved in the business.

And that time at the shop included busy deer seasons and some time in between to celebrate birthday's.  Some of my fondest memories of Papa Smurf are times we had working together.  The life lessons I learned from working next to him are priceless and although I didn't always enjoy or appreciate laying out jerky or pinching pies, I'm grateful now for the opportunities and the importance it was to him to have us there.

But one thing I always liked about Papa Smurf was his humerous side.  Oh to hear him laugh...that is music to my ears!

Papa Smurf and Mom were my greatest fans during nursing school.  They kept me going when I thought it was just too hard.  I remember a conversation early on when I had first started college and I was crying because I didn't want to go back and the thought of 3 years of this was about more than I could bear.  Papa Smurf looked me in the eye and said, "You're gonna do this and you're gonna make it, because I believe in you."  I knew at that moment that if I ever made it to graduation day, that although he would be sitting, he would really be walking across that stage with me, head held high.  I'm so thankful for the gifts of wonderful parents and the inspiration they've been to me!

Again, another one of my favorite photos.  I don't remember the conversation but I remember feeling blessed in that moment that I had the privilege of calling the man next to me, Dad.  The piece of paper sticking out of his shirt pocket was his speech.  You see, Papa Smurf doesn't do things the ordinary way, no, he has his own unique, Papa Smurf way that just adds to his character.  He couldn't just give the simple "We do" answer to "who gives this woman...".  He approached me the week of the wedding and wanted my approval to give his own speech after walking me down the aisle.  And what a speech it was.  That was another one of those "I'll never forget" moments.  I still have that wrinkled piece of paper.

 I would have given anything to know what Papa Smurf was thinking in this moment.  I remember looking out the door of the nursery as the last of my bridesmaids made her way down the aisle and Papa Smurf was pacing the floor across from me.  It pulled at my heartstrings to think that he would no longer be waking me up with his coffee breath in the morning and crawling in bed beside me (because lets face it, any chance he has for a cat nap, he takes...I often thought he used the waking up thing as an excuse to get a few extra minutes of sleep..."gotta go see a man about a horse", whatever Dad).

 And then there was the father-daughter dance he surprised me with.  We had talked about this about a week before the wedding and he wasn't up for it at the time.  (He's not one for dancing.)  But again, he came through in true Papa Smurf style and wa-la, my heart swelled again with pride and thankfulness that he is MY Dad and does things his own way.

I think I've already mentioned that this is one of his great loves in life...a nap.  "I'm just gonna sit on my chair for a little"...whatever makes you happy, Papa Smurf.

Isaac and Pappy...I get a kick outta watching him be Pappy to my little buddies.  My greatest wish...to see him be Pappy to my children.

I just shake my head at this one.  He just had to jump in at the last minute on this picture, but again, that's Papa Smurf for you.  You just never know when he'll pop up.

This past summer, Papa Smurf and Mom came out west for a visit and oh what a time we had together.  Those first few days we spent a little time checking out the scenery and much of that time was spent laughing.  Papa Smurf found his "recliner" in the form of Jamie's toolbox and a piece of wood and I think right about then he was thinking he should go "see a man about a horse".

Happy Birthday, Papa Smurf!  I'm so proud to call you, Dad!  I'd like to end this post with a few special memories...just for you.

ice cream orders at the dinner tableSCARING BEARS AT THE CABINdriving lessons

Waterskiing a.k.a bobbingSunday afternoon lunch

FRIDAY AFTERNOON DATES AT THE STOREdriving through snow banks with the brown carmorning devotionsMaking bolognabIRTHDAY bREAKFASTS aT bIRCH nOLLGOING TO MARKETA-ssistantspatio partiesSunday E-mailsheavy batteries at Raystown...there is so much more I could add, but at the speed my computer is going, you'd turn 51 before I could post this blog.  I just want you to know that I'm so grateful for the influence you've had on my life and the special connection I share as your daughter.  You do have your own way of doing things and although it drives us all crazy at times, I love you so much for being unique and stepping outside of the box and for not being afraid to just be you.  Your life is an inspiration to many and I'm thrilled that your role in my life was dad.  Enjoy your day...I'm thankful we got to "talk" in person.

I LOVE YOU, Papa Smurf!

Facing My Giants

Many times the fear of failure feels like a heavy weight in my life, pushing me down and keeping me from moving forward.  I fear facing the giants in my life armed only with a sling-shot and my faith.  Fear creeps in like a heavy fog, so deep I can't even see my feet to make the next step forward and I lose all courage to move ahead.  It's at these times in my life that I wonder where my life is headed.  It's also at these times when I'm reminded that I have a way out.  It's my only hope of making it through the fog but in my human, rebellious way I often find myself taking charge, forgetting the compass in my pocket.  And so I go on, lost in the fog, tripping over the ruts in my way, going further and further from the path I'm meant to travel.  And then when I finally reach a point where I'm so exhausted from the fog and bruised from the falls that I'm can't go on any more and life seems like it's caving in around me I suddenly remember that I have a way out, I have a compass...I have a Saving Grace.

Aren't you glad that we serve a Lord who can brush off the dirt, heal all wounds and forgive us when we stray?  I've shamefully spent many times over the last several months taking charge of my life through the fog rather than allowing God to show me the way.  I've felt it's too difficult to try and read the compass.  In turn, I've lost focus of what's really important in life...glorifying God and showing the world His light.  Rather than praising God for the blessings I've been given I've lamented about the things I don't have.  I've praised Him when the sun shone through the fog and I could clearly see the path before me, but I've walked with slumped shoulders and a frown through the deep fog cursing the ruts along the way.

I've spent countless time working on the plans for my life and asking God to sign the dotted line when in reality I need to just take a leap of faith and sign the blank sheet He places before me and trust that He has my best interests in mind.  I'm not supposed to know the plans He has laid out for me for tomorrow, I'm only asked to trust God and follow His leading.  He will give me the strength to endure whatever challenge that may or may not be.

I watched the movie, Facing the Giants, this week and if you've never seen it, I'd encourage you to do so.  It challenged me to become a better person through the struggles rather than allowing the struggles to overwhelm and overcome me.  But the only way that is possible is if I allow God to have complete control over every aspect of my life.  I need to give Him my infertility and trust that children or not, He has my best interests in mind.  I need to give Him my struggles with living in Montana and trust that He will provide and either way, show us the direction to go.  I write this not only as a testimony but also to ask those close to me to keep me accountable.  We would like to thank those who have faithfully been praying for us.  Please continue to pray for us.  The Devil knows how to get to us when we are down and at our worst but our hope is that we can press on, take the Hand that is reaching out to help us and to find our way through the fog.  God has promised that nothing is impossible through Him.  The impossibles happen when I try to control my own life.  I set myself up for failure when I let go of His hand, when I lose courage and faith, and when I look for the negative in every situation.

I'm taking that step of faith, I'm going to start tomorrow with the confidence that I CAN face the giants before me...because I serve a God who can bring down a giant with a tiny sling-shot and a LOT of faith!

(This is a rather long clip from the movie, but I like the message that comes across.)

Winter Has Arrived!

It's official...winter has arrived in the west and we had the wonderful privilege of traveling back to Montana through some of it.  We left PA on Wednesday morning around 11 and the first part of our trip went by without a hitch.  It was nearing midnight and Jamie had just got back behind the wheel when it started snowing.  He drove till sometime in the early morning when we decided to stop off at a truck stop and let the plows do their job.  We started again in the morning and drove for less than an hour when Jamie decided the roads were too icy to continue.  We narrowly missed an accident with a tractor-trailer as we watched it slide across the lanes as we drove up the off ramp.  Thanks to some help from my Mom, we were able to find a decent hotel that allowed the dogs inside and we spent a restful day together, enjoying the snow from inside.  I'm thankful that Jamie was driving smart and felt it was better to wait until the roads were better because the "scenery" along the road the next day had changed drastically from farms and trees to a snowy junkyard of cars and trucks...and we weren't one of them!

These 2 trucks must have had a mishap with the icy roads.  What you can't see so well in the first picture was the truck laying on it's side is actually a cattle pod...the picture below is a better picture of the truck.  There is another cattle pod waiting behind the red truck...it makes me wonder how many livestock actually made it.  Poor guy who owned whatever was in there will be out a few head I think.

I also tried to get a few pictures of the beautiful snowy landscape we had a chance to see along the way.  I still love snow...even if it does coup us up in a hotel room for a day.

I'm happy to say we made it home safe and sound around 9pm Friday night to temperatures in the negatives.  Our pit stops along the last leg of our trip were short and sweet because after 0 degrees the outside of your nose isn't the only thing that freezes!  At one point the temperatire gauge in the truck read -0...is there such a thing?  Keep posted for more chilly blogging from the Tumbleweeds.

I Would Die For That

I remember making New Years resolutions in years past and I can't say as though I ever followed through really well with any of them.  But I remember the last year I decided I would ever make a resolution or look toward the coming year with great expectations.  That year was 2009.  I remember starting 2008 vividly and I had such hopes that maybe this would be our year to welcome a child into our family and as the year ended so did my dreams of becoming a mother that year or even the next.  I've spent many times on the rollar coaster ride of emotions...I've listened as many have felt the need to "reassure" me in ways that only hurt more...I've cried from the depths...I've experienced a hurt that never fully goes away, one that at times feels as though it's suffocating the life from me.  Although we've been very open about our difficulty getting pregnant I don't think many people truly understand the depth of emotions or the constant way it consumes you.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it...every pregnant belly I see makes me wonder with a jealous, anxious heart...every announcement that's made makes me cringe at the thought of saying "Congratulations" when I really just want to find the hole of life and crawl into it, pushing away anyone who tries to come close to give comfort.  I've been silent at times so others would not be uncomfortable by the pain I so vividly feel inside.

But I do not write today out of anger or hopelessness.  Although I may not always feel much hope in the way of ever becoming a mother...a dream I long to have fulfilled...I do know that I serve a God who is always faithful and as much as I want control over the plans for my life, the Architect knows perfectly how things fit into my life and so I must trust and wait.  I feel at times as though the UPS man meant to drop something off at my doorstep but instead delivered the package to my neighbor but when I run over to my neighbors house with flurried and excited anticipation I find that the package really did have her name on it.  And then I begin to wonder, am I waiting for a package that has never been ordered?  Was I meant to move on with my life, instead of waiting by the front door for a package to arrive?  I don't have the answer to that question, but I do trust that God will guide my steps and if He ever leads me away from the door...away from waiting...then I trust that He will also give me the strength to endure the disappointment of never receiving a package.

I pray that if you are struggling through infertility that you will be blessed by this song and feel a renewed sense of peace that you are not alone in your struggle.

It's A Wonderful Life

Jamie and I have spent the last month at home in PA for the holidays and a much needed vacation.  I was given strict orders not to overbook my time so that more time could be spent at home with family and looking back I wouldn't change a thing about it.  We got to see friends but also spend some time with our family.  We have had a great month and I'm sad to see it go.  I can't say as though my heart is ready to return to Montana, but I know I have to.  One of the first events scheduled on the calender was a couple's date with Ben and Kristen.  We went out for dinner and then they took us to the IMAX in Harrisburg to see A Christmas Carol.  We had a great time with them and it makes me wish we still lived close.  "Don your 3D glasses."

I had the chance to attend a Christmas party with some old work friends as well and it was so nice to be able to see most of my friends from work while I was home.  I miss my high-risk OB and all the friends I used to work with!!!!  We had a great time and I'm truly blessed with some wonderful friends!

Papa Smurf had been throwing around the idea of getting another dog since Chappy died and when he found an add for Boston Terrier puppies in the paper he couldn't resist.  I'm so glad we got to meet Toby!  He is the perfect Papa Smurf dog!!

And there was babysitting and time with our nieces and nephew.  I'd like to think they had the time of their lives with us, playing trucks and building forts...OK, so Elianna didn't play as much as she drooled, but she was still full of smiles.

Somehow Mom and I were able to tackle this job.  You'll have to check out her blog for all the details.  Let's just say when the paper says get it right or you won't have a second chance...they never met determination before!  Mom had a list of things she wanted me to help her with and I'm hoping we got them all crossed off...I REALLY enjoyed spending time with her this month!

There was cooking baking with
Grandma Fisher...we made a MOUND of cookies!!  And had a wonderful time doing it, but I'm afraid we are still eating Christmas cookies.  Those beautiful chocolate covered peanut butter and marshmallow cookies you see on the right....GONE!!

We had Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa Fisher's house where the kids kept us well entertained.  Sometimes I wonder what rolls around in their little kiddie brain to make them do the things they do.  ????  One will never know.

We got snow and lots of it!!!  What a delight to finally have snow in PA in December!  I think it snowed three times during our month home and I loved all of it!  We even drove out in the bad weather to go to another Christmas party...sadly I do not have any pictures of us there since my wonderful friends have not sent them to me yet.  (Hint, hint)

We had Christmas at home with my family and Christmas at Jason and Lacey's with Jamie's family (I didn't get a chance to put those pictures on the computer yet).  Isaac and Rachel were both very patient and we all had a nice evening together.  We had Pork Tenderloin (Papa Smurf style...only the best!) and shrimp...one of my favorite Christmas meals!!  Afterwards the kids sat very patiently...some drooled patiently, while they each got to open a present.  I love these pictures of Rachel as she sits on her "Vespa" just waiting for Daddy and Uncle Jamie to put it together.

Mom and I spent a day together getting pampered and going shopping.  We got pedicures, a hair cut and then headed down to Chambersburg to the Hobby Lobby.  It was a perfect girls day and we had a blast!  I had no idea that 4 1/2 hours at the Hobby Lobby could go by so quickly...it really did feel like just a few minutes.  Thanks for putting aside time to spend with me, Mom!  I so enjoyed our times together and I'm so thankful that you and Papa Smurf can make a nest for us in your home...it was a blessing to be with you both!

Through a change of plans that generated from a post on facebook, we got to spend some unexpected time with one of our favorite couples again...Ben and Kristen!!!  We rang in the New Year together along with Papa Smurf and Mom who made it past midnight but went to bed shortly after.  And that's when the tiredness set in, we all got a second wind and the fun really began!  Kristen found this very large pencil that Papa Smurf had got in the mail from a begging bank and it all went downhill from there.  Our ribs hurt the next day from laughing so much..."Carla, I miss you already!"

And this one just stole my heart!  Although I have not been blessed with children of my own yet, I have the blessings of a niece who looks like me (poor girl) and my heart melts every time she gets excited to see me.  I've wondered if she isn't part puppy cause she wiggles her butt and almost pees the floor sometimes when I walk into the room...I LOVE it!!

And last but not least there is this...I made a "Montana" cookie.  I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling right now.  I came into this month so excited about coming home, but sad knowing that the time would feel short and before long I would be arriving at this moment where I need to once again say goodbye to family and friends and go back to my home, except the place I call home now doesn't really feel like home yet.  So with an aching heart I will return to Montana with the assurance that God will give me strength and guide my steps.  Thank you to all who made our trip home a memorable and fun one!  I'm hoping to see you all in a few months.