As we begin the swing back into the normal following the holidays I thought maybe I need to get back into the swing of blogging. It sure hasn't been a lack of things to blog about but finding the time to blog has been a challenge. Between work, the holidays, my second surgery, a trip to NYC and just generally filling my calendar too full...well, you get the point. And now that this little cuddle bug is almost 2 months...yikes!....well, the slacking needs to end!
So here is the one and only, beautiful little, Karlie Rae!! Our friends, Matt and KK, had little Karlie on November 1 and we couldn't have been happier for them! They induced KK at exactly 37 weeks due to Karlie's lack of growth...she just simply couldn't wait to meet all of us I guess. We are so thrilled to add her to our crazy clan and I was especially thrilled that Matt and KK asked me to do Karlie's newborn pictures! (After spending an entire afternoon taking pictures I think Karlie was happy to see me walking out the door!)
(Love this one! We caught her smiling in her sleep)
(Love this one too...they're both naturals at this baby thing)
Karlie already has a nickname...no shocker there...they call her Baby Bird. She's always sleeping with her mouth open, just waiting for worms from mama bird. We absolutely adore little Baby Bird!
Matt and KK, we are so grateful that life has thrown us together and for the strong friendship we've all formed. God has truly blessed you with a beautiful daughter and we are thankful we get to be a part of her life. May you continue to feel His blessings as she grows. We love you guys!!
Jamie and I have truly been blessed with the friendship of many throughout the years and especially with our "couple friends" as we refer to them. When we first got married we had few couples we hung out with and through my work friends and I dragging our husbands out for double dates we've formed many lasting, wonderful friendships over the years. As you know the "Tate's" have held a special place in our hearts among these friends (and to those other friends in our lives, you know we could never replace you!). Our Tate dates have become a necessity and we feel honored that they enjoy our time together as much as we do.
Almost 2 years ago now they added sweet Elliana to their family and what a joy this little girl has been!! We love our time with her...those infectious smiles and the crazy, cute things she says...simply put we just love her! She has 2 amazing parents who have done a great job parenting and as part of their responsibility made the decision to dedicate her. Baby dedication is something many Christian churches practice instead of infant Baptism. It's a ceremony in which believing parents, and sometimes family and friends, make a commitment before the Lord to raise the child in a godly home and submit them to God's will and plan for their life.
This past Mother's Day, I received my first Mother's Day card and the tears poured when I opened it. Our precious friends had asked if we would be godparents for their Sweet Girl. What an honor to be trusted with this responsibility! I carry that card with me in my day planner and it's such a beautiful reminder that again God has provided for us. No, I don't mean that in a morbid sense...goodness, I sure don't ever want to lose our Tate's, they have become like family to us! But God saw fit that although now may not be our time to be parents, He has loving provided children in our lives that we can love and hold close. Children that have a special place in our hearts...that wrap their little arms around us and without knowing provide healing with their little snotty kisses.
The words written couldn't have been easy for our friends to write but what an inspiration that they have put their selves aside and thought ahead to plan for their daughter! As I said they are amazing parents and have raised a beautiful little girl...inside and out. So when we received the invitation to join them to dedicate Elliana and stand as their dedication sponsors, I was willing to sell my left kidney to be there! Thankfully it didn't come to that, but we were grateful we could stand with them and support their family.
To Little Miss Pigtails,
We are so thankful that God blessed your mommy and daddy with your life! You have a smile that could break the toughest heart and your infectious, sweet spirit brings us such joy. We cannot wait to see the wonderful things God has in store for your life. Thank you for the blessing and encouragement you've been to Uncle Jamie and I. We pray that we may be a spiritual influence in your life and that as you grow we may be the same encouragement in your life as you've been in ours. We love you very much!!
To our Precious Tate's,
Thank you for the gift of friendship and for welcoming us into your family with open arms! We have been so encouraged by you both and appreciate the unending love and support you've shown us over the years. We are thankful we serve a God who meets our needs and we are especially thankful for Him leading us to both of you. Your dedication to Christ and selfless acts of love haven't gone unnoticed and we so appreciate the role models you are for us. We love you both!!
Until the next Tate date...speaking of, Carla, we need to get out those planners, Christmas will be here before we know it!!
This post is by far the toughest for me to write. As I write the tears pool around the keyboard, my heart heavy with the reality of where we are. I am going to pull from what little inner strength I have left this evening and once again try and bring God glory in the midst of struggle, but I won't lie and say that is easy. But as we progress further into our infertility treatment I felt it was time to put it all out there and pray that through my words of honesty some prayer warriors will arise. We have many who have selflessly continued to pray, encourage, and support and for that we are so grateful! Again I pray that God may speak through me as I write and that others may find comfort and peace through it. As Jamie and I began house hunting this past spring we also decided that it was time to move forward with fertility treatments and so in June we finally went to the fertility clinic to get the ball rolling. Anyone who knows anything about fertility treatments knows that nothing happens quickly so it was the end of the summer until we were actually at a point where we were ready to begin our first cycle. We went into the first cycle with high hopes and excitement that we were FINALLY moving forward. After a L-O-N-G month of waiting, testing, insemination, waiting, testing, and more waiting God said "no" that time. It was a difficult process for us because literally 12 hours before we were supposed to take "the test" I got my period. Every day without my period got us one step closer to a dream we have so desperately hoped for. It was a tough pill to swallow and the thought of moving ahead with who knew how many more cycles made me age a few years. But knowing that this is our only option propelled us forward once again and we started with round 2. More clomid, more testing, more waiting and then we got news we weren't anticipating. We were a day away from possible insemination again, I had a follicle ready to go and we were told that they found polyps in my uterus. Once again the wind was taken out of our sails. Although they aren't like the polyps that are found in your intestines, we were told they could act like an IUD and prevent a pregnancy from taking as well as increase the chances for miscarriage. Simply put, they needed to come out before we could proceed with further treatments. So last week I had a D&C to remove the polyps. All went well with the surgery beyond the fact that I DO NOT do well on the other side of things. Being a patient versus being a nurse is NOT something I relish...although I know few do. Sometimes knowing it all is NOT helpful. Regardless, I survived and, thanks to my wonderful husband, received excellent care post-op. Thankful to have that behind me and although not looking forward to waiting yet another month to begin again with our cycles, we were ready to move forward. Today I received a phone call from my fertility doctor. The pathology report came back with atypical cells which can indicate cancer sometimes. Although these atypical cells may have come from the polyps if they were fast-growing and rapidly changing, which would explain the atypical part, they couldn't definitively rule out cancer. So the plan...the only option we have at this point...is to repeat the D&C in a month and get a better idea of the cells inside. This means once again putting our fertility treatments on hold until after the New Year. Needless to say Jamie and I are both at a low point. The first time we received the news of the polyps was difficult knowing that we had finally, after 7 long years, gotten to a point where we could move forward. The news today was devastating. We feel as though we just keep getting kicked when we're already down. I realize to some this may seem like a simple problem and easily fixed and yes, our hope is that surgery will "fix" this for us and we can move on from there. But even if that's the solution to this problem and there is nothing else wrong it still means more time...time spent yearning, hoping...trying to believe that God can work a miracle in our lives. I firmly believe that God has a perfect plan for our lives and although right now I don't understand why or fully appreciate the bumpy road, I can find a small window of hope in the blessings. We are richly blessed with family and friends who have carried us through this. I am so wonderfully blessed with Jamie, my true soulmate and rock...an absolute gift from God! We have been blessed by the outpouring of prayer from so many...we have deeply felt the impact of prayer. And we are blessed by a Father who doesn't always shield us from the negatives life may bring us, but has ALWAYS promised to walk with us every step of the way. He IS my Strength, my Comforter, and my Rock...the ultimate Healer!! I don't know the plans God has for my life and beyond getting through today, I have no idea how He will see us through this. The next few weeks are not going to be easy for us and the very thought of waiting some more is crippling. I do know that believing and trusting in God is going to be a minute to minute decision for me and I know that no matter the outcome God WILL provide for our needs. Again thank you to all who lift us up in prayer and encourage daily!! We only ask one thing...please pray for us in the weeks to come! I took this picture of Jamie the day we had our first insemination and I took it knowing full well that no matter what happened I was going to praise God, whether we got a baby or not. Today we lift our hands up to One who makes ALL things possible.
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him." ~Psalm 28:7
Once again I have had the wonderful opportunity to run after Keyan with my camera and I have to say the kid is a natural!! My time with him absolutely added sunshine to our overcast day and I left with a smile on my face and looking forward to the next time we get to hang out together. After his mommy asked if he wanted to go for a walk we couldn't seem to get him off the idea of a walk even to shoot a few pictures. I kept hearing, "Come on, Jess, we go for walk!" He was quite insistent but even through it all he still hung in there and flashed that winner smile. Thanks again, Jess, for giving me the opportunity to capture your family moments. I absolutely love spending time with all of you!!
The picture below was a moment no one could have tried to pose. Keyan marched down the steps of the playground and wrapped his little arms around his daddy. What a sweet, special moment...thankfully my camera was still handy. Catching moments like this is what makes standing behind the camera totally worth it.
On a side note, I can't wait to share the newest addition to our Monkee group. Our good friends, Matt and KK, had little Karlie on November 1 and weighing in at 4lbs 12oz, she's just a little bug. But we are so excited to finally meet her and I can't wait to share her newborn photos next week. I just couldn't resist sharing a picture I took with my phone. Welcome Little Karlie and Congrats Matt and KK!! We love you guys!
I'm finding it difficult to know exactly how to begin this post. First, I'd like to share a photo of our home...yes, I finally am getting around to posting this! I know it's far overdue but life has just been so busy I've rarely found time to get out my camera for anything besides family photos. No it's not a mansion or anything particularly grand but it's OUR home and we are thrilled to finally be here.
While we are absolutely thrilled to be in a new home, our own home and so thankful for the incredible blessings God has showered upon us, we also continue to struggle with the pain and frustration of infertility. We've recently been pursuing our options regarding infertility and I must admit my hesitation in doing so. You'd think I would be thrilled to finally be moving in some direction but honestly I had finally come to a place where we weren't doing testing or throwing around what direction we should go and I was at a point where I wasn't so down and out so the thought of starting the process up again and potentially putting ourselves out there for more hurt and disappointment didn't look inviting in the least. But knowing that at some point we needed to take that leap of faith and take the next step, we began again.
Here is a post Jamie recently posted on his Facebook page and despite the tears I had already been crying, the dam definitely opened after I read this. My heart was filled with such love for this man God gave to me!
Today God looked down and said "No you are not ready yet." I started to complain and say why not.... I'm ready.... We want this really bad... And why!?!? He just smiled and said "I know you don't understand right now but just wait and see it will all make since." I could've of kept on asking why but I said "Ok,ok you do know best and I will wait and see what it is you have in-store for my life... Yes I don't like waiting around for the answer but I will. Thank you for all your blessing and for those that have not come yet." So here I am in waiting again but life is good and I have a great wife who is helping me get thru this! I love you baby girl!!
My heart cries out with hurt and frustration, the ache of empty arms a sad reality, at times feeling as though it's suffocating the life from me. The 7 years of waiting and continued months of waiting we have yet to endure seem like an endless sea of hopelessness and disappointment. I'm not a great example of this all the time and I shamelessly admit that I've lost hope and I've been angry, so I write this now when a glimmer of hope is present because even at the worst times deep down I know that I serve a God who is EVER faithful; a God who can heal the broken hearted; a God who when everything is stacked against you and the impossibilities are staring you in the face, can make all things possible and bring about a miracle.
My prayer of late has been this, God, You know the desires of our hearts, You see our hurts and our struggles and You can ultimately change that for us. But we continue to pray for a miracle and my true prayer is this...If children are NOT part of You're plan for us, then may the miracle be my heart's content for a childless future.
I have been struggling immensely with the burden of infertility lately, my job as an L&D nurse a constant reminder of what I can't have, and through it I've seen heartache and pain...BUT I've also seen God! His blessings are constant, His love ever present, and His faithfulness a calm in the storm. It's so difficult for me not to look up and ask, "Why?", my humanly mind incapable of understanding His great plan for our lives. But no matter my plans or aspirations in life, I am daily reminded that I serve a God who is in control and has a beautiful plan for my life. I may not understand it at the time but I'm called to praise Him through the good and the bad. No I don't particularly enjoy this season of grieving but I can find joy in the midst of sorrow.
Again I wanted to share something that has brought comfort to me. I've really been enjoying the christian station in my car lately and find that God really has a way of speaking to me through music. I pray that if you're struggling and in need a miracle today that this will also bring to you the miracle of peace in the midst of pain. I also ask that you keep Jamie and I in your prayers...prayer is such a powerful thing and we greatly appreciate those who have and continue to lift us up in prayer.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I again had the great opportunity to do senior pictures for a friend of mine this past week and wanted to share with you because this guys down-to-earth smile and dark eyes just needed to be shared. I spent quite a bit of time this spring doing senior pictures for 2 beautiful girls and I just had to giggle at the difference between the sexes. This shoot took less than an hour and although his smile is quite natural, he's still a guy and this so wasn't his thing. But he hung in there, made his mom shed a few tears, and if anything we had a nice time enjoying this gorgeous weather we've been having. I have quite a few shoots on the calendar coming up as we move into cooler weather. Many blessings as you finish this last year of high school and move into a new phase of life, Derrick!
The idea for this picture below just happened to pop into my head and didn't think it turned out too bad. I liked the idea that she's standing in the background...sending him off into the world...but always there to walk back to when he needs her. (OK maybe this would have more sentimental with a girl, he probably just rolls his eyes at this one.)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
After months of silence I'm happy to come back with on here with some pictures of this sweet little girl. I haven't done a photo shoot in quite a while and it was so fun to jump back in the saddle again and capture a few shots with her and her brother. So thankful I have people who have asked me to do repeat photo sessions with them! Hope you enjoy!
To those who follow my blog, I apologize for the months of silence. I assure you it was not intended but as life has been overwhelming busy and full of fun and exciting adventures, I just simply wasn't able to take the time to update or even take pictures to share. I had to blow the dust off my poor neglected camera to do this shoot (and of course I didn't mean that literally...I'd NEVER let her get covered dust :)). But with that said I'm pleased to share the news that Me and Him are now happy home owners!!! After years...almost 8 now...of tumbling around from home to home, through the grace of God we were able to purchase a home of our own in July. It was a dream we've had since we first got married and no it's no mansion or castle but we could care less and frankly it's out "mansion". From the first night we've been pinching ourselves, hardly able to believe this dream has become a reality. I'm hoping to get some pictures to share soon...now that my camera has been resurrected from the dust. Stay tuned!!
Another fine adventure is now hot off the press!! My mom had asked me a few weeks ago if I would be available to help watch my older brother's kids again. M & M were planning on going away with her parents to celebrate her mom's birthday. Of course I was more than happy to re-arrange the nothing I had planned on my calendar that day to help her out. We spent the afternoon reading books, building forts, racing tricycles, taking naps (yes even Isaac laid down for a little bit), and drinking Grammy's fabulous meadow tea! It was an afternoon full of adventures and fun!
Prior to the fort (or castle, if you ask Elianna) building, the entertainment of choice happened to be the box my mom keeps a bunch of foam letters in. Who knew a few boxes were all we needed for afternoon entertainment?!?
We were beginning to wonder if Elianna hadn't fallen asleep in hers...she was literally inside the box for more than 15 min...we barely saw it move...but she was content as could be.
There aren't many pictures of Isaac as he hardly holds still long enough to get a clear shot!
Post fort build...which included a hole on one side to accommodate the tunnel as an alternate entrance. Stay tuned for fort-building and crazy adventures!
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